Drunk Goggles

We all live in different worlds. We all see it through different drunk goggles. You can never walk a mile in someone else's shoes, we all wear different sizes.

I get scared sometimes, that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough. I know everyone says the only expectations I need to live up to are my own, but frankly, that's bullshit. You can't survive happily on your own, you need other people. You need them to tell you that you're not dependable or have something in your teeth. It's how we improve ourselves. You will never hear a lonely man say he's content being alone. He's just lost his faith in humanity, and it's better than the idea being with people who constantly let him down. It's why humans created the idea of a family... we could've just ended up like praying mantises.

You know, it's pretty funny, how fast your world can shatter. One tear down your mother's face. And you can tell she's trying to hide it from you, to protect you like she always has. But you see it anyway, for one split second you catch a glimpse of your own reflection in that tear, you know it'll never be the same. Her voice "Nothing's going to change, nothing's going to-" She can't finish, she falters. Both of you standing at the cliff's edge. That sick feeling. I hate it so much.

Up until a little while ago, I didn't get why we lie so much to children. Have you noticed that? We lie to them so fucking much. We tell them that Santa's real, that it's all going to be fine, that Daddy's coming home tonight. We say that shit so much we start to believe it ourselves. And then we feel like children. Cold reality smacks us back down to Earth at the realization that it's not true.

Then I understood. It's because of that one moment, that second that we actually believe what we're hearing. They're going to need that memory when they're older. We need that feeling to fall back on, to linger on. Otherwise we've got nothing to remember.

I hate how I bitch about so much. I hate how I'm inwardly negative, and outwardly I have this stupid mask on. I could say it's not me, I could say it's the unfairness of the world that gets me down. But that would be another lie. It's my fault. It's all my fault. And it's not going to go away until I fix it myself. Until I put on a new pair of drunk goggles. Suck it up, and move on.

Myself.