The New Place

Okay, I took a few pictures (few meaning very few) and there are more to come, but it looks pretty rad so far. Considering moving is not up for discussion, I guess this is an okay option.











some of my shit. can you spy the stack of Rolling Stones'? Yeah I made sure not to lose those.



Thoughts?

Re: Stacks

My mom left today. I'm content with it, I think. I watched her pull away in her teeny car and it felt like any other evening when she would make a last minute drive to pick something up. At first I was so angry. I was fuming. She had something I didn't. She was able to escape; to go some place where the yelling couldn't penetrate the walls of her bedroom. Of course she deserves it more than me, but I'm still feeling like a little kid who got duped out of a day at the beach. It just makes me look forward to leaving this town forever. Can't come soon enough, although I'm fairly certain I'll miss it dearly once I'm out. My life is a fractured series of longing for what I had minutes before and no amount of instant gratification or appreciation can undo that inevitable yearn.

Re: Stacks matches my mood right now. Bon Iver has the most beautiful voice.

That said, only excitement for this weekend. Showtime. Stage. Adrenaline. Fucking spotlights. What I live for. Dancing has proved to be the only extracurricular I've actually enjoyed this year. That sounds awful but honestly the rest I'm only doing for the credit. Screw honorablity and give me good beat.

I really like taking pictures.










what do you think?

Cars & Spurts of Consciousness

My mind has been on driving for a while now. I took a vow that as soon as I got my license I'd be out of here. Where is here, exactly? Do I expect to leave all of these worms behind? Honestly, what do I think is going to happen... Nothing. I've got a snake tied to my foot and it's striking at my chest because it's the only part of me that moves as I breathe.

I've got to get this done soon or I'll leave it for later and nix the whole thing entirely because it's sounds stupid once fed back into my own ears. But the beauty of it is that at the time it sounded perfect. One must learn to respect his own spontaneity despite its danger.

Young people are naturally drawn to risks. We are physiologically attracted to our own destruction. Is that what I attribute these urges to? Do I owe my need to go and lick the ground for a few minutes to how many years I've been alive? I've discussed this previously.

Is this stream of consciousness style too upbeat for you? Shall I switch it up.

I sank into the passenger's seat with a thunk. Car door slam (wow car themes again, don't call me inconsistent). "You just can't seem to get it right, can you?" my brain says with a sneer. I ignored it and picked at my finger nail, then sank further into the cushion at the realization of forgetting shit in my locker. All the same, maybe it was some subconscious upheaval of all responsibility.

No see it doesn't work this is still just my brain talking about shit only I care for. The name "stream" is pretty fitting but maybe "spurt" would work better. Typing this shit is just a handle for the door to what goes on inside my head all day. I don't start thinking this way every time I hit "New Post", rather: it goes inside this box instead of looping back around the curves of my spine.

A certain thing has been giving me trouble recently. Whenever I exit passenger side, and go to shut the car door, I shock myself. The metal slaps my hand back with a snap of invisible lightning. Sometimes I remember just in time and plant one foot on the front lawn before touching the door but this is a poor substitute for a remedy.

I really like the name Isaac. Or John. Have you ever noticed that you can't name your kid the name of a person you dislike, even if you liked the name itself to begin with. Enemies have a funny way of having a lot more loyalty than some friends. If I dislike someone, I just decide to not give a fuck about them because hate is a form of caring, and why should I care about the asshat who stands still in a hallway of moving people? Seriously get out of the way or I will push.