This is the third time I've attempted to write this blog. I'm finding this self reflection/improvement thing harder than I thought. But then again, so does everything else I do. WHAT THE FRICK DO I WRITE ABOUT?!?!?! I guess that's just it. I'm waiting for my life to start and I'm expecting it to just happen, with tons of exciting adventures to blog about along the way. I think I need to wait a little longer. All those parents and teachers were right then. Things probably will be different when I'm older. As FREAKING cliche as this sounds, right now, I should enjoy just being a kid. Oh goody.
The only problem is, this age is way too complicated to enjoy anything. Kid and adult are absolute, and I'm stuck in a world of relative. Expectations are through the roof, and under the floor at the same time. I wait for things to get easier, and get yelled at for it. I get confused about what's best for me, when people around me make it seem so easy. I'll just have to stick it out then. Whatever, when I can make my own decisions it'll be slightly different.
I've been playing basketball since I was about 9. Every year I played Franklin Rec Ball, and so I thought, was pretty good at it. About three months ago, I tried out for the freshman basketball team and was miserably rejected. It was terrible. I didn't have any of the jerseys that the other more experienced girls had, I knew none of the drills that they knew, I stuck out like a sore thumb. The worst part about it was that I was so sure I'd make the team. Easily. And it just makes me wonder... what other things am I so sure of that just won't happen? College? A job? Marriage? Kids? Happiness?
What about all those things that matter? That are expected of me? What if I'm just not able to do them? What if I'm not good enough, pretty enough, strong enough? What happens then?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Alone on a Friday Night...
In my quest for awesomeness, and being a 15 year old girl, today I attempted to do the impossible: educate myslef on the economical financial crisis. I know. Katie, what the hell are you doing. HOWEVER: also being a problem solver, I decided to do it in the least complicated way imaginable. I am referring, of course, to Youtube. This is what I found:
The vlogbrothers are pretty much my intellectually stimulating while also being a brain cooking form of entertainment. NERDFIGHTERS <3. so check em out.
Kay that's it for me tonight. I still don't understand how the economy works but I guess, ya know..... who cares.
The vlogbrothers are pretty much my intellectually stimulating while also being a brain cooking form of entertainment. NERDFIGHTERS <3. so check em out.
Kay that's it for me tonight. I still don't understand how the economy works but I guess, ya know..... who cares.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
New Revelations and Midterms Miseries
Sometimes, I have random revelations. Like when I realize the next morning that staying up late wasn't such a good idea and I want to bash my own head against the wall for my spur of the moment stupidity. Or when I realize that I have to inevitably face the music and change upon receiving almost all B minuses on my report card. Or when I realize that it's not about me and my own problems or revelations at all, but other people and helping them with their problems and revelations, and that, if this is true, I in turn will probably be helped with my problems and revelations and therefore we all depend on each other and the Lion King was true after all.
One of the most relevant revelations (potential tongue twister? I think so)in my life this moment is that I have never had the experience of reading Catcher in the Rye. This was recently brought to my attention upon hearing about the death of J.D Salinger (Thank you, Tom Brokaw) and I know, I know, I'm totally Michael - Jackson's - Death-ing this thing by mentioning it at all, but it's important to me as of now, so I'd like to share. Being my blog and all.
Anyway, I haven't read this seemingly magnificent entity of a novel and that is my February Resolution. I guess I have monthly resolutions now. Oky Doke. Yes. My monthly resolution is to at least start Catcher in the Rye. Done.
On a non-related note, I am truly deeply sorry for being inexplicably absent from the Blogosphere for the past couple of days as I was experiencing the social and independent breakdowns of freshmen first-time midterms. I kid you not, I literally studied more for these three tests than I have studied for anything in my entire life, and don't have much to show for it. It's not that my geometry teacher is a total nub when it comes to actual teaching. It's not even that nothing on any of the study guides (completed, studied for hours) seemed to be on the actual test. It's that somehow, I know in the recesses of my twisted and not fully developed brain that getting a 65%, a 70%, and a 76% is completely, undoubtedly, and entirely my fault. It was something I did or didn't do that needs to be not done or done next time. So yeah. That's my life right now.
One of the most relevant revelations (potential tongue twister? I think so)in my life this moment is that I have never had the experience of reading Catcher in the Rye. This was recently brought to my attention upon hearing about the death of J.D Salinger (Thank you, Tom Brokaw) and I know, I know, I'm totally Michael - Jackson's - Death-ing this thing by mentioning it at all, but it's important to me as of now, so I'd like to share. Being my blog and all.
Anyway, I haven't read this seemingly magnificent entity of a novel and that is my February Resolution. I guess I have monthly resolutions now. Oky Doke. Yes. My monthly resolution is to at least start Catcher in the Rye. Done.
On a non-related note, I am truly deeply sorry for being inexplicably absent from the Blogosphere for the past couple of days as I was experiencing the social and independent breakdowns of freshmen first-time midterms. I kid you not, I literally studied more for these three tests than I have studied for anything in my entire life, and don't have much to show for it. It's not that my geometry teacher is a total nub when it comes to actual teaching. It's not even that nothing on any of the study guides (completed, studied for hours) seemed to be on the actual test. It's that somehow, I know in the recesses of my twisted and not fully developed brain that getting a 65%, a 70%, and a 76% is completely, undoubtedly, and entirely my fault. It was something I did or didn't do that needs to be not done or done next time. So yeah. That's my life right now.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I Heart Napping
My life. My life is full of repetition. Of rituals and redundancy. Every day is the same. I feel like... I'm stuck. Like I want to leave, to get out of this house, this town, but I've put down too many roots that it would be impossible to depart without regret. It is the roots that bind me, that hold me to my routine abyss.
It shows itself in the way I constantly stay up late (like I'm doing right now) and regret it in the morning when I am all but dead. In the way I say the same things to the same people, wear the same clothes, the same hair.
Anyway today, my stress level skyrocketed, if you couldn't already tell. That's probably why the above two paragraphs sound disgustingly depressive. But hey. Who can maintain a positive attitude during MIDTERMS WEEK. AHH!!! I've been trying, I really have. But come on. What the hell was my health teacher thinking when she decided to add a term test onto Monday after she KNEW we were going to have two midterms that day. Seriously. WTF.
On the brighter side (it really shouldn't be all that bright) track is over tomorrow. Today during practice, some kid decided it would be funny to throw cup of water at another kid, spraying everyone around him (INCLUDING ME). Last meet tomorrow, then we're done. Finito. Caput.
So that's today. In a nutshell. I actually kept a pretty good record. The only time I was reprimanded was when Daddy told me I couldn't be taking 2 hour naps after practice every day. HAHAHAHAHA aritey Dad. Whatever you say.
It shows itself in the way I constantly stay up late (like I'm doing right now) and regret it in the morning when I am all but dead. In the way I say the same things to the same people, wear the same clothes, the same hair.
Anyway today, my stress level skyrocketed, if you couldn't already tell. That's probably why the above two paragraphs sound disgustingly depressive. But hey. Who can maintain a positive attitude during MIDTERMS WEEK. AHH!!! I've been trying, I really have. But come on. What the hell was my health teacher thinking when she decided to add a term test onto Monday after she KNEW we were going to have two midterms that day. Seriously. WTF.
On the brighter side (it really shouldn't be all that bright) track is over tomorrow. Today during practice, some kid decided it would be funny to throw cup of water at another kid, spraying everyone around him (INCLUDING ME). Last meet tomorrow, then we're done. Finito. Caput.
So that's today. In a nutshell. I actually kept a pretty good record. The only time I was reprimanded was when Daddy told me I couldn't be taking 2 hour naps after practice every day. HAHAHAHAHA aritey Dad. Whatever you say.
Here Goes.
So here's the beef. I am in the midst of self discovery, as most humans ages 13 through fill - in - age - here (does it ever really end?) are. And, like all humans, I feel the need to tell people about my life. Ya know, self expression and what not. You might as well skip this one, it's nothing special. I haven't moved to South Africa or started a bizarre art collection or any of those things. It's mainly for myself. It is me.
Me, Katie. Age 15. And Katie's gonna be honest. For once, brutally honest. So often we find ourselves, or at least I do, pretending what we want to happen actually did. Rarely the case, hmm? I admit it. I am a compulsive liar. HOWEVER: This is a challenge. This blog is complete honesty. Every gory detail of it. I lie, it dies. Bottom line.
That's first of all.
Second of all, this being a recording of events, I figure I should have a goal relating not to the blog, itself, but to my life. Or what I hope my life could be like. My new year's resolution this year was to (anti-climactic drum roll, please) make my life better. Yup, that's it. I do mean every aspect of it. Exercise/Diet, relationships, grades, work ethic, you name it. I will not be a copy! I will not work at the gas station down the street (which, may I say, has an excellent Hubba Bubba gum variety).
As Davey Wavey said, rather than point fingers at other people, it's much more productive to turn attention inward, and overcome our own challenges. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Ummm... kay this is just like an intro blog thingy. I'm doing another one for today about, ya know. today.
Arite, here goes. With any luck, I will disappear in no time. --K
Me, Katie. Age 15. And Katie's gonna be honest. For once, brutally honest. So often we find ourselves, or at least I do, pretending what we want to happen actually did. Rarely the case, hmm? I admit it. I am a compulsive liar. HOWEVER: This is a challenge. This blog is complete honesty. Every gory detail of it. I lie, it dies. Bottom line.
That's first of all.
Second of all, this being a recording of events, I figure I should have a goal relating not to the blog, itself, but to my life. Or what I hope my life could be like. My new year's resolution this year was to (anti-climactic drum roll, please) make my life better. Yup, that's it. I do mean every aspect of it. Exercise/Diet, relationships, grades, work ethic, you name it. I will not be a copy! I will not work at the gas station down the street (which, may I say, has an excellent Hubba Bubba gum variety).
As Davey Wavey said, rather than point fingers at other people, it's much more productive to turn attention inward, and overcome our own challenges. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Ummm... kay this is just like an intro blog thingy. I'm doing another one for today about, ya know. today.
Arite, here goes. With any luck, I will disappear in no time. --K
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