This is the third time I've attempted to write this blog. I'm finding this self reflection/improvement thing harder than I thought. But then again, so does everything else I do. WHAT THE FRICK DO I WRITE ABOUT?!?!?! I guess that's just it. I'm waiting for my life to start and I'm expecting it to just happen, with tons of exciting adventures to blog about along the way. I think I need to wait a little longer. All those parents and teachers were right then. Things probably will be different when I'm older. As FREAKING cliche as this sounds, right now, I should enjoy just being a kid. Oh goody.
The only problem is, this age is way too complicated to enjoy anything. Kid and adult are absolute, and I'm stuck in a world of relative. Expectations are through the roof, and under the floor at the same time. I wait for things to get easier, and get yelled at for it. I get confused about what's best for me, when people around me make it seem so easy. I'll just have to stick it out then. Whatever, when I can make my own decisions it'll be slightly different.
I've been playing basketball since I was about 9. Every year I played Franklin Rec Ball, and so I thought, was pretty good at it. About three months ago, I tried out for the freshman basketball team and was miserably rejected. It was terrible. I didn't have any of the jerseys that the other more experienced girls had, I knew none of the drills that they knew, I stuck out like a sore thumb. The worst part about it was that I was so sure I'd make the team. Easily. And it just makes me wonder... what other things am I so sure of that just won't happen? College? A job? Marriage? Kids? Happiness?
What about all those things that matter? That are expected of me? What if I'm just not able to do them? What if I'm not good enough, pretty enough, strong enough? What happens then?
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